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Even with the best-laid plans, life sometimes requires a change of course. No matter where you are in life or how many years you have been committed to a marriage, you may find yourself contemplating a “gray divorce.” What is a gray divorce? It’s a divorce after the age of 60. Gray divorce is becoming more common, has less of a stigma today than it’s had in the past, and has unique considerations for those who make the decision late in life to end their marriages.
Let’s Get Right to it: What is a Gray Divorce?
Divorce after age 60 is often referred to as a late-life divorce, a “silver split,” or a gray divorce. Once considered to be generally uncommon, the statistics for gray divorces are showing a slow but consistent tick upward. What’s behind this trend?
Compared to previous generations, people today who are in or approaching their sixties anticipate – and at least plan to experience – longer, healthier, and more active lives. We have science to thank for that, with scores of research studies devoted to the duration, improved health, and quality of life in our “golden years.”
When life expectancy is extended, that means a longer retirement too, and therefore a greater opportunity for introspection. In other words, people who expect to live 20 or 30 years or longer past retirement are more likely to reflect on how to best spend those remaining years.
Couples who have stayed committed to their marriages over the long term will face new circumstances, and some may suddenly find themselves questioning their levels of contentment and commitment. This is normal and arguably a healthy response to a major life event, such as a retirement.
Self-reflection is a healthy way to cope with major changes that occur during this phase of life. Changes in income, disruptions to daily routines, a loss of social connectivity, the “empty nest” created when adult children no longer share our homes – all of these are well-documented by research as valid stressors faced by people in their sixties. Many will find themselves turning to their long-term partner for support, hoping to work through the challenges together, but for others, this can be a time when weaknesses in the marriage start to come into focus.
When the daily demands of a career and/or parenting are suddenly absent, couples may suddenly realize that those distractions were masking problems with communication, or simply providing a cover for something that their marriage may have lacked. The need for maintaining a stable home for the sake of children? That need no longer exists. Hours filled with work and schedules and chores and responsibilities? Now less urgent.
If a couple struggles to fill those voids, find that they just don’t have much to talk about anymore, or see their paths diverging, it may be a sign that the marriage no longer works for them. For a couple contemplating a gray divorce, it’s important to understand what is a gray divorce and some of the unique challenges that a divorce at this juncture entails.
The Unique Challenges of a Gray Divorce
Divorce can be difficult at any stage in life, but divorce after age 60 involves a set of circumstances that are very distinct from divorce at a younger age. These include unique factors related to finances and retirement, planning for health challenges as we age, relationships with adult children and grandchildren, and other considerations.
Financial Complexities
People who divorce when they are already retired and living on their pensions or other retirement benefits are in a different situation than those still employed and saving for retirement.
Either through litigation or mediation, the details will need to be worked out. Through the process of equitable asset distribution, a divorcing couple will share the marital portion – what was contributed from the date of marriage until the date of filing for the divorce – of their accrued retirement benefits. Generally, the marital portion of retirement benefits are divided equally, and there is no requirement to be married for a specified amount of time to receive half of the other spouse’s pension.
How does alimony work in a gray divorce? If both partners are retired, it’s likely that the case will focus on asset distribution rather than providing one spouse with alimony. This is because each spouse will be receiving their share of the pension or retirement account through equitable distribution. When both spouses are not yet retired but approaching retirement age, an order for any alimony will likely specify it be paid for only a set, limited amount of time. Your alimony lawyer will take this into account to prevent both parties from having to soon return to court to adjust support for an impending retirement.
Health Insurance & Long-Term Care
It’s a fact of life, as we age we face growing health care needs. Sooner or later, health concerns become a reality for all of us. Planning for these needs can complicate a gray divorce and put a strain on even the best of financial plans for retirement.
A potential need for long-term care, assisted living or skilled care will need to be considered and factored into the long-term planning for finances after a gray divorce. It will be important to meet with a financial advisor to create a new retirement plan for your future as an unmarried person, and to explore options for obtaining health insurance or Medicare supplements, and possibly long-term care benefits.
Adult Children & Grandchildren
Adult children and grandchildren will be impacted by a late life divorce. There may be some emotional upheaval, but you can take steps to minimize the stress on your family. Open communication is essential, and you should avoid any disparaging remarks about your ex-spouse. The end of your marriage is not the end of your parenting and grandparenting relationships.
On the legal end, if you pursue a gray divorce, you will need to update wills, estate plans and beneficiaries. Your children may now be taking on new roles, perhaps as an executor of your estate, or be given power of attorney in place of your ex-spouse.
Redefining Your Life’s Next Chapter
As in divorce at any age, a late life divorce is an opportunity for growth and change. It may involve a new residence (perhaps in a new community), re-entering the workforce, adjusting to traveling alone or with new companions, learning to independently manage your finances, and ultimately learning to live on your own after years of sharing life with a partner.
Some seniors may embrace the freedom that comes with a gray divorce, others may feel lost or floundering, and of course, it’s possible to experience both. Furthermore, some of these challenges will be temporary, while others may be permanent. It makes sense then to navigate this chapter of life with the support of family, friends, and possibly the help of a support group, clergy or mental health counselor. If you’re feeling isolated or frustrated, remember, you don’t have to do it all alone.
Essential Legal Considerations in New Jersey When it Comes to Divorce Later in Life
Often, a gray divorce means the couple is separating after a long marriage, during which they’ve accumulated significant assets. In New Jersey, the court will determine equitable asset distribution and ultimately divide your property according to a number of factors including, but not limited to the length of the marriage, the standard of living established during the marriage, any existing prenuptial agreements, each spouse’s overall health and age, the current value of all property, the tax consequences of a proposed distribution, and each spouse’s debts and liabilities.
Your NJ divorce attorney will advocate for you during this process, and along with your financial advisor, help you minimize any disruptions to your financial stability after your late life divorce.
Our Best Advice for a Smooth Gray Divorce
Open and honest communication goes a long way in mitigating the stress of a late life divorce. Speak to your divorce lawyer about trying mediation as an alternative to going to court. This could help you save time and money. Many couples pursuing a gray divorce find they can resolve their case more quickly and move on to their new separate lives without unnecessary litigation.
A New Beginning Starts With a Plan
At DeTorres and DeGeorge Family Law, our attorneys are experienced working with clients who pursue divorce at age 60 or later. We can help you navigate the unique challenges of a gray divorce so you can build a strong financial foundation as you start this new chapter in your life. Contact us today to schedule a consultation with one of our family law attorneys.
