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For years, you and your spouse have poured your energy into a shared goal, raising your children so they would grow to become happy, well-adjusted adults. As satisfying as it can be to see your kids launching into adulthood, the letdown inevitably comes when you look at each other, in a home that’s suddenly too quiet and too big for two, and wonder, “What now?” It helps if you can understand and define empty nest syndrome, a very common experience among couples whose children have grown into young adults.
Empty nest syndrome refers to the feelings of grief and loneliness many parents feel when their children live away from home for the first time to attend college, enter military service, or otherwise start their independent lives. This condition is reported more often by women, who are more likely to have had the role of primary caregiver, but both spouses are susceptible to strong emotions during this phase of life.
As with any life-changing event, empty nest syndrome can add significant stress to a marriage, and it’s considered to be a rising cause of divorce. In fact, empty nest syndrome divorce statistics show an upward trend, with the Pew Research Center reporting the divorce rate has roughly doubled since the 1990s among U.S. adults age 50 and over. Empty nest syndrome is considered a major cause of divorce after 30 years of marriage. Yet, empty nest divorce is avoidable, and there are tips for empty nesters that can help couples navigate this challenging stage in their marriage.
Empty nest divorce
Empty nest syndrome can sometimes contribute to divorce, a phenomenon known as “empty nest divorce“. When children leave home, couples may find themselves facing a significant shift in their relationship dynamics. Perhaps over time, the marriage relationship was put on the back burner in order to prioritize the often hectic, day-to-day responsibilities of parenting. Topics related to raising children may have dominated many of their conversations, and supportive friendships may have sprung from meeting other parents through school or extracurriculars.
Then suddenly, you celebrate your youngest child’s 18th birthday, and nothing is the same! The daily distractions of others’ voices and needs are gone from the household, leaving you and your spouse to focus on each other and how to fill the void. To cope with that abruptly “emptied” nest, one or both partners may decide to concentrate on a new career goal or explore a new hobby. There may be health issues to manage, a home to downsize, or general feelings of discontent. The empty nest presents both challenges and opportunities.
How to avoid empty nest divorce
While the empty nester divorce rate has been rising over the past 25 years, empty nest divorce is not inevitable. Couples can adjust to this life-changing event in ways that can even enrich their marriage relationship, such as:
- Dating again! Remind each other of the activities you enjoyed before children, and schedule time for dining out, attending concerts, going to a theater, traveling, taking a hike, or any other hobbies or activities that were part of your dating years…or find exciting new ones!
- Discuss your feelings with your spouse. It’s essential to have empathy and understanding as you both transition into this new phase of life.
- Take time for each other, and regularly try to schedule meals, phone conversations or other times to talk about your empty nest lifestyle and feelings about it.
- Keep in touch with your kids. Knowing they are safe, healthy and thriving never stops being important, but also appreciate that your empty nest means you’ve done your job well. Adult children living away from home is a welcome and healthy development in their lives!
What to know about empty nest syndrome and divorce
Why do couples divorce when they are empty nesters? For some couples, empty nest syndrome and divorce coincide. This presents a unique set of issues to consider in an empty nest divorce:
- Child custody and child support. The good news is that custody and child support, by definition of the children no longer being minors, are not likely to be an issue in an empty nest divorce – with possible exceptions such as determining how much each parent will pay for a child’s college, trade-school, or health insurance.
- Division of property. While you want your children to be welcome to stay home (on occasion), the reality is that it isn’t critical that a mother or father keep the marital home when there’s empty nest syndrome and divorce at the same time. When the kids have lives of their own, selling the marital home is often less stressful and makes more sense than trying to keep an expensive place to live.
- While disputes about the home may be less likely, disputes about other items (such as bank accounts, business interests, and retirement benefits) will be more critical because the spouses have accumulated more assets.
- Alimony. A spouse who needs financial support because she/he can’t earn a living comparable to the other spouse or has health needs will have the right to seek alimony.
For couples considering an empty nest divorce, or divorce for any other reason, choosing a divorce lawyer who understands the needs and emotions associated with this stage in a marriage is an essential first step.
At DeTorres & DeGeorge Family Law, our divorce lawyers understand how empty nest syndrome and divorce are different from divorces when the children are young. We fight to protect your financial interests and to help you emotionally move on to the next phase of your life. We are here to discuss your concerns at any phase of your marriage or divorce. Contact us today to schedule a consultation with one of our divorce attorneys.
