Likewise, a divorce lawyer and a mediator have different roles and a different approach to your divorce. Your divorce lawyer, your “coach,” represents your interests alone, working throughout the divorce process to advocate for your rights and achieve the best possible outcome for you, the client.
On the other hand, a mediator, or “referee,” is a neutral third party who tries to facilitate a fair agreement for both parties.
What is a mediator in a divorce? A mediator is a specially trained, neutral person who helps with communication and discussing your concerns so you and your spouse can reach a voluntary agreement. A mediator is not a judge or arbitrator, does not decide your case, or give opinions or predictions about the court’s decisions. A mediator does not represent either party, instead negotiating an agreement when it’s possible for both partners to come to mutual terms.
So what is the best choice for your particular situation? Do you need a lawyer or mediator for your divorce? Or could you possibly benefit from both? To make an informed decision between a divorce mediator vs lawyer, let’s first determine what is the difference between a divorce lawyer and a mediator.
Divorce mediator vs lawyer: Why Choose a Mediator?
What does a mediator do in divorce? Going through the process of divorce with a mediator is a good choice for couples who, outside of the breakdown of their marriage, continue to have productive communication or a friendly relationship. If their visions for dividing property or post-divorce parenting align, there’s a good chance that mediation could work for them. Even for couples who don’t share effective communication or plans for their lives after divorce, mediators can skillfully help them reach a point where that may be possible.
What is the advantage of having a mediator? To determine what’s best for your circumstances, divorce mediator vs. lawyer, let’s first note that divorce mediation is often a successful alternative to a traditional (litigated) divorce, saving time and money in the process. Divorce mediation works well for couples who are able to communicate and cooperate amicably. Mediation can also help families that have tension or conflict working against them, if they are able to find enough common ground that a settlement can be reached without the time and expense of their case going to court.
In addition to saving time and expense, divorce mediators in NJ can offer other benefits, such as
- Increased privacy
- Higher reported levels of client satisfaction with the outcomes of the divorce
- Less conflict
- A broader range of options and solutions that reflect the unique needs of the family
- Empathy for the needs of the other party, which can in turn foster better post-divorce interactions
Divorce lawyer vs mediator: When not to use a mediator
The advantages of using a divorce mediator are significant, but there are times when mediation is not the best first choice. When comparing the benefits of a divorce mediator vs. lawyer, we should emphasize that it’s in your best interest to immediately consult with a divorce lawyer if:
- Your spouse is physically or mentally abusive.
- Your spouse has a medically documented history of mental illness.
- You suspect your spouse is hiding money or other assets.
- You or your spouse refuse to be in the same room together. Although mediators are skilled at conflict resolution, mediation will require spending some time in direct, face-to-face communication.
So how do you choose between a lawyer or mediator for divorce?
Coaches and referees are knowledgeable, but they are not on the field of play. You know the opponent better than anyone else. Measure what you know about your spouse and your relationship against the above criteria and know what to expect in divorce mediation. Can you and your spouse – outside of the differences that have led you to divorce – still have productive communication and work together? Do you share ideas about post-divorce parenting and property? If so, mediation is likely to work well in your divorce.
Is communication between you and your spouse tense and strained? Mediation is still a good first choice. Divorce mediators are skilled at facilitating conversations and diffusing tension, even when divorcing couples disagree on a lot of issues. If necessary, they can meet privately with each side and bring the couple back into a mediation session when tempers have cooled.
What happens if you try mediation and it fails? It’s possible for divorce mediation to solve some but not all of the issues. If mediation doesn’t resolve all of your marital issues, you always have the right to have a lawyer begin litigation. Your time was not wasted, as the mediation process likely clarified the positions of both partners on the issues. Your divorce lawyer can help you pick up the ball from that point.
So you may need a coach, a referee, or both. When you are weighing the pros and cons of choosing a lawyer or mediator for divorce, we are here to help. At DeTorres and DeGeorge Family Law, our attorneys have significant experience both in participating as advocates in mediation for our clients, and in the role of mediator. Contact us today to schedule a consultation with one of our attorneys.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a lawyer mediate a divorce?
Yes, a lawyer can serve as a divorce mediator, but in that role, they will not advise either party about the merits of a proposal. A mediator may be an attorney, but there are many excellent mediators that are not attorneys.
What is the advantage of having a mediator? Should I use a mediator for divorce?
When deciding between a lawyer or mediator for divorce, many divorcing couples find that it is possible for a mediator to help them reach agreements over division of property, child custody and alimony, while saving considerable time and money, protecting client privacy, mitigating conflict, and enabling a cooperative relationship after the divorce.
What is the success rate of mediators?
The success rate for divorce mediation is estimated to be 80-85 percent. While mediation is not always the best option for some couples, hiring a mediator can help many couples finalize their divorce with less time and expense than litigation.
Can my attorney be present during mediation?
Mediation sessions can be held with or without an attorney present. In the absence of an attorney, mediators may explain the law, but they will never counsel either party. Instead, they will facilitate the process as you and your spouse try to arrive at a mutual agreement.